tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88592691516035525862024-03-13T16:51:51.365-07:00Remission to be accomplishedAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-26018463904242887672016-11-03T00:32:00.000-07:002016-11-03T00:32:37.576-07:001 YEAR IN REMISSIONToday officially marks 1 year in remission, when my consultant confirmed my chest x-ray was clear.<br />
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This is a huge milestone to me as I feel my fitness and confidence improve day by day - I don't always feel like I'm getting anywhere, but if I think back to 1 year ago my life couldn't be more different.<br />
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I am eternally grateful that I am one of the lucky ones who responded well to treatment, as there are so many that unfortunately don't.<br />
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November 3rd will always be more important to me than any other day of the year, because it marks the anniversary of <b>the day I got my life back.</b><br />
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<u>Thank you all so much for your continued support.</u>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-34980185215641991512016-07-27T11:00:00.001-07:002016-07-27T11:02:12.927-07:00I Have EpilepsyLast September, I had my first seizure. I was between chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and was taking a few different medications, so it was put down to that, and after a brain MRI I continued as normal.<br />
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I was given the fantastic opportunity of a 4 day sailing trip off the Isle of Wight with the Ellen MacArthur Cancer Trust, something that was first mentioned to me last year that I was very excited about. I travelled down to the Isle of Wight last Monday, and went to bed on the boat that night.</div>
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At 1am I got up to use the toilet. As I stood washing my hands I could feel myself twitching, and I was struggling to control my hands. I turned to walk back to bed, and then everything went black. I then had a seizure on the bed for around 3 and a half minutes. I had no idea that had happened, because I was so tired after a long day travelling, so I thought I had gone back to sleep. The girl I was sharing the cabin with went and got the skipper of the boat, who then got the doctor who was on the trip with us, who woke me (I fell asleep after the seizure) and told me what had happened. I was aware someone was talking to me, but I didn't know what they were saying. Apparently I was talking nonsense. I'd bitten my tongue badly down one side, and it had swollen so much I sounded like I had a lisp. I was taken to A&E where they observed me for a few hours, before letting me leave. I then collected my things off the boat, and headed back to Southampton where my parents picked me up.</div>
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The day after I got home I went to my GP, before seeing a Neurology consultant, who asked for a description of both fits, as well as the twitching. He told me I would need an EEG, a brain MRI, and said I had juvenile myoclonic epilepsy. I was given a prescription for medication to start straight away. </div>
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Epilepsy can usually be well controlled with medication, and my Mum is a prime example of that, having epilepsy herself and not having had a seizure in over 20 years. I think the timing of this is adding to the fear and loss of confidence as I had been slowly building myself back up. Although my Mum has the condition, I knew very little about epilepsy, which I don't think helps with trying to get past the fear factor. I know more now, and triggers that could make a seizure more likely, such as drinking, being sleep deprived or having low blood sugar.</div>
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After I was told I'd had a seizure, I knew that I wouldn't be driving for a year. I'm pretty gutted, I'd </div>
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only held my license for a month and it had then been taken away from me. I've also been told not to swim or cycle, while we see if the medication is effective or not. I'm thinking positive and hoping it will, as my condition is not severe as I had 2 fits in 10 months; I've heard other people can have several every day.</div>
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This wasn't something I was expecting to happen, but I suppose a lot of things are unexpected. I'm sure in a few weeks when I have my confidence back in doing things alone, I'll be in a much more positive frame of mind.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-26777973553751339492016-05-11T09:59:00.002-07:002016-05-11T09:59:59.387-07:00The Fear of RelapseI've been told from the start of my treatment that the chance of relapse is quite low, which obviously is great. However, the chance of me developing cancer in the first place was quite low, which suddenly makes anything, no matter how unlikely, seem extremely possible.<br />
I've reached a place in my head where I've realised that even if I worry or not, if the cancer is going to come back in 2, 5, 10 or 20 years time; me worrying about it will not make a jot of difference.<br />
I've also decided that I need to stop being frustrated about the time I've lost. At the end of the day, my life so far hasn't gone the way I wanted it to. But neither has most other people's, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life complaining about something that can't be changed and just accept what has happened and move on. I'm lucky I'm still here; I should be grateful for that rather than annoyed about how it has affected my life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-35733107677899290232016-04-25T07:29:00.000-07:002016-04-25T07:29:06.802-07:00Race for Life 2016On Sunday 12th June, Natasha's Gang will once again be running (probably more like walking) the 5k course at the Lincolnshire Showground in aid of Cancer Research UK; but this time with a snazzy new name... Natasha's Gang 2! (Not very creative I know, sorry.)<br />
This year I feel I will be more much able to enjoy the event, and I'll be walking the course with everyone else, instead of being pushed around it in a wheelchair.<br />
I'll always remember the Race for Life last year, not only because we raised an amazing amount of money (thank you all who donated last year) but it was one of the days where I felt absolutely awful. The event fell on the Sunday of the week where I had spent Monday-Friday going backwards and forwards to Nottingham having chemo; not great timing.<br />
I wasn't able to help much with the fundraising effort last year either, and only mentioned that we were doing it a few days before it happened, and only posted it on here after it had happened.<br />
This year however that will not be the case.<br />
I am lucky that over the last 40 years, the 10 year survival rate for Hodgkin's has improved from 50% to over 80%. However, it is only with research that this improvement will be shown across all cancer types, and ultimately there will come a day where all cancer's can be cured with treatment with fewer side effects.<br />
It is with your donations that this vital work can take place, so if you can please donate by clicking <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/teams/natashas-gang-2" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
Thank you.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-67014860878377641162016-04-07T09:29:00.000-07:002016-04-07T09:55:39.276-07:001 yearOn April 7th 2015, exactly 1 year ago today, I found out I had cancer.<br />
Today, I had my second follow up appointment, and I'm still in remission. I don't have to go back until July. This time a year ago, I didn't yet know what was going to happen.<br />
I thought cancer was a death sentence. That is not the case anymore, and I'm living proof of it.<br />
A lot can happen in a year, both good and bad, and it can change your life beyond recognition.<br />
I'm forever grateful for everyday I wake up and feel well. I was never like that before, and in reality when I look back I was ungrateful for what I did have. I was doing well at school, had a lovely group of friends, and had my family close by. It's a shame that this had to happen to make me realise that.<br />
But now that it has, I will never be ungrateful for those things ever again.<br />
I turned 18 yesterday. For me being 17 will always have negative feelings attached, so the fact I never have to say I'm 17 again is fantastic. It has helped me draw a line under things.<br />
I've realised I should be grateful for what I have rather than sad for what I don't.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-76867044160526454332016-03-14T10:02:00.000-07:002016-03-14T10:02:11.223-07:00Charity Ball in aid of Teenage Cancer TrustWriting to you all this time with very much a 'good news story' which raised a lot of money for charity.<br />
One of my best friends Jess is very good at organising events; she has previously run a very successful ball in aid of the charity work she does, sending gifts to children with a condition called scoliosis, which is a curvature of the spine. Jess has her own experience with this, and had a serious operation a few years ago to correct her own curve. She tackled the whole horrid experience with tenacity and a fantastic sense of humour, and she really is an inspiration to me, and the fact that after her experience she wanted to help others really is amazing.<br />
After I was diagnosed and told her more about how the Teenage Cancer Trust did and still continue to help me in my recovery, she said she was going to organise and event to raise money for them.<br />
I wasn't sure what event she had had in mind, but I wasn't expecting a ball with live music and a photo booth and over 100 people attending.<br />
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On Saturday 5th March we took over the Cathedral Ballroom at the Doubletree by Hilton hotel on the Brayford Waterfront in Lincoln; and the total raised including a raffle and an auction was £1720 which is absolutely incredible. £50 can pay for a young person to have 2 hours with a specialist nurse, so that amount can achieve so much.<br />
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So, Jess, if you're reading this, you should be so proud of yourself for organising such an amazing event, and thank you.</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-39534097097105174962016-03-01T02:19:00.001-08:002016-03-01T02:19:05.543-08:00Long term effectsHappy March everyone! Finally a step closer towards spring and the milder weather, which I can't wait for!<br />
It was this step closer to warmer weather that made me think more about the long term effects of my cancer and its treatment. The chemotherapy I had made my skin more sensitive to the sun, so I spent last summer covered in SPF 50 even in the weaker British sun. However, I'm going on holiday in April (I can't wait!) and I've had to think about sun exposure much more than I would have done before. I also had radiotherapy to my neck and chest, and these areas should be exposed to as little sun as possible, so I'm taking sun tops for swimming in, as well as my trusty SPF 50.<br />
The radiotherapy I had also means I will need a blood thyroid test every year for the rest of my life, as radiotherapy to the chest causes around 80% of patients thyroid glands to become under active and around 10% to become overactive. I've been told that this can be easily managed with medication if this happens.<br />
I will also be entered into the breast cancer screening programme earlier than usual. Currently, all women aged 50-70 are invited for breast screening, although it varies slightly by county, but this is being extended to 47-73 by the end of this year. I will be entered into the programme when I'm 30, plus or minus a few years depending on where I'm living when I near that age. This is because the radiotherapy has put me at a slightly increased risk of developing breast cancer.<br />
All that being said, this seems like nothing compared to other cancers and their treatments. I still have my eyesight, my hearing and my mobility; and for that I am grateful.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-54224525778442941762016-02-12T01:40:00.001-08:002016-02-12T08:45:16.177-08:00Why Haven't We Cured Cancer?A question I have considered many a time over the last few months. But, as I began to learn more about this disease, I realised the scale of the challenge to be overcome. Here are a few reasons why.<br />
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<b><u>1. Cancer is not a single disease, it is an umbrella term for a range of diseases.</u></b><br />
Just like Dementia is an umbrella term for symptoms caused by a range of diseases like Alzheimer's, Cancer is a word that refers to a large array of different diseases that have one main thing in common - the cells ability to multiply and divide (potentially) infinitely. It is also why different types of Cancer's require different treatments.<br />
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<b><u>2. Not every treatment works for everyone.</u></b><br />
Even if two different people have the same type, subtype, stage and grade of Cancer, they can still respond differently to the same treatment. I was told at the start of my treatment that statistically 2/3 of people do not need radiotherapy after chemotherapy, but 1/3 do. This highlights the difference.<br />
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<b><u>3. Research into targeted therapies is complicated.</u></b><br />
The use of targeted therapies involves analysis of the tumour which can be used to predict what treatment is likely to work best for that patient, and they hold significant potential for improving the prognosis of patients. For example, in breast cancer, tests are carried out to determine whether or not oestrogen receptors are expressed in the tumour. If they are, the drug Tamoxifen is more likely to work in that patient, compared to one where oestrogen receptors are not expressed. However, even this is not a guarantee that the drug will work, as again this depends on stage and grade.<br />
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<b><u>4. Some types of Cancer are harder to identify and then treat.</u></b><br />
Pancreatic Cancer has one of the poorest prognosis of all the types of Cancer. This is because by the time the patient experiences symptoms and it is diagnosed, it is often late stage, and therefore not much can be done. Surgery is only an option for 50% of patients, and the 5 year survival rate is 5%.<br />
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<b><u>5. Each Cancer can be caused by a different set of genetic mutations.</u></b><br />
This answers why patients with the same Cancer and treatment can have different clinical responses. Knudson's multi hit hypothesis suggests that 5 or 6 'hits' or genetic mutations would have to occur in the DNA to call a cell truly cancerous, and also explains why Cancer is more common in old age - as more time has passed to allow these 5 or 6 hits. However, these 5 or 6 hits are not the same for each Cancer, so there is a potentially endless amount of genetic mutations that can lead to Cancer, that all need researching.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-9068981152837677362016-02-04T01:46:00.001-08:002016-02-04T01:46:51.765-08:00World Cancer Day - 4 February 2016World Cancer Day is something that I'm very glad exists. Of course it helps to raise money to fund research and provide specialist care. However, it also starts a conversation.<br />
Many people feel uncomfortable talking about Cancer. Think about for one second how many other names are given to Cancer to avoid saying the word. "The C-Word", "The dreaded C" and many others. Cancer as a word strikes fear into the heart of many, quite understandably, but what if we just named it "Weird cell disease". Suddenly it's not as frightening. We need to change how we talk about a disease that will affect around half of us over a lifetime.<br />
We should also acknowledge the improvements which have been made, particularly over the last 50 years. Today, 1 in 2 people will survive their Cancer for at least 10 years. In 1970, only 1 in 4 did. However, the fact that anybody dies of this dreadful disease shows that our work is not yet complete.<br />
Cancer Research UK are running a campaign to raise money around World Cancer Day by selling Unity Bands, so pick one up from your local Cancer Research UK shop, or you can buy one <a href="https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/support-us/shop/world-cancer-day-2016" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
You can also donate £3 by texting WECAN to 70200<br />
We stand united.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-29207124168952105012016-01-08T12:36:00.000-08:002016-01-08T12:37:51.195-08:00Lush: My favourites<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For Christmas I got 4 Lush gift boxes, further fuelling my obsession with the brand! Lush is a handmade cosmetics company who's products are mostly vegan. Ranging from bath ballistics to shampoo and conditioner and moisturisers.<br />
I've always enjoyed the occasional bath product from there, but with my treatment making me unable to do many things I enjoyed such as horse riding, my attention shifted towards the things that I could still do.<br />
Usually I am a 'shower person'; I find it easier and faster, especially when I had long hair. However, it got to the point that I couldn't stand up long enough to have a shower, and I found it so much more of a chore than I did previously. So my Mum suggested I take a bath, and it was honestly the strangest thing.<br />
For the time I was in the bath, I felt ok. During my worst treatment it was a blessing to just feel ok. I don't know whether that was because the water took the weight off my joints or that it regulated my temperature, but it did more to help me feel better than any of the tablets I was taking. This was when I got back into Lush. I had more time to care for my slowly returning hair so I explored different products I hadn't before.<br />
These are some of my favourite products:<br />
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Twilight shower gel - Perfect for relaxing in the bath in the evening as the strong scent of lavender helps you drift off. Sad thing is that this shower gel is only available in the 'Relax' gift set or whenever the Lush Kitchen makes it available. They make it in small batches and sells out very quick.<br />
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Daddy-O shampoo - A dark purple shampoo containing violets designed to remove brassy tones from blonde hair, but is still a great shampoo for brunettes too. To me it smells like those parma violet sweets, and contains things good for your hair like organic lemon and lime juice and extra virgin coconut oil.<br />
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Roots hair treatment - This hair mask contains lots of mint to stimulate the hair follicle increasing the speed of hair growth. It smells amazing and is very conditioning. I think it's helped my hair grow faster too.<br />
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H'suan wen Hua hair treatment - No, I can't pronounce it either. My hair has grown back drier and wavier than before, so this conditioning treatment helps keep it under control using organic extra virgin olive oil amongst other things. The smell is quite strong but when you get past it you can tell the product really is brilliant.<br />
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Happy Hippy shower gel - This citrusy shower gel really helps to wake me up, and as I struggle a bit with tiredness it's very useful.<br />
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<span id="goog_897326543"></span><span id="goog_897326544"></span>Lord of Misrule bath ballistic - I think this was part of the Christmas range of products and it may still be available in the Oxford Street store. It has a deep musky scent that turns the bath an amazing green colour.<br />
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Golden wonder bath ballistic - A Christmas exclusive covered in gold glitter that rattles when shaken just like a present. It turns the water a bright blue that smells really fresh. What more could you want of a product?<br />
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Yog nog bath ballistic - Imagine the smell of a stereotypical Christmas. That is what this smells like. It contains pieces of solid oil that melt and nourish your skin as it dissolves. There's a bath ballistic sold all year round that also contains this oil called the Butterball. I love this so much that I have the matching soap, I just hope they bring it back next Christmas!<br />
I hope I've inspired you to invest in some bath and shower products as it can really improve your mood. Happy new year and see you in the next blog post!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-7052467641517968302015-12-23T03:14:00.001-08:002015-12-23T09:52:52.489-08:00A Cancer Free ChristmasAs everybody will be unwrapping their gifts on Christmas Day, I will be too, already knowing I have received my biggest gift. That is being cancer free.<br />
I am lucky that I will be able to celebrate Christmas in the comforts of my own home, surrounded by my family, instead of being in a sterile hospital surrounded by nurses and machines that will just not stop bleeping!<br />
However, there are people who will not be able to do that this year, whether that be because they have cancer themselves or someone they love does. Maybe for the second or third year running, they may not be able to do that next year either. Perhaps this will be their, or their loved one's last Christmas.<br />
So, as you unwrap your gifts and eat a truly horrendous amount of food, please give a thought to those in hospital for any reason this holiday season, I know I will.<br />
Thank you all for your support over this last year, and I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. I'll be back in the new year!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-76138954640694145812015-12-10T08:08:00.000-08:002015-12-10T08:08:08.806-08:00An award?!Last Sunday I attended a Christmas ball with my parents and the rest of the team from the chip shop my parents run, Burton Road Chippy. There's an industry magazine that we are involved in and are readers of which is called Chippy Chat, and this ball was organised by the editor of the magazine Austen (hello Austen if you're reading this!)<br />
My Mum has often shared things on Facebook from when we were raising money for the Race for Life etc. so other chip shops were aware of my cancer diagnosis and had very kindly donated too. Many of these had also been following my blog, and I had many people on the night say how pleased they were to hear my good news.<br />
For the last couple of years Austen has started the event with 'The Golden Chip Awards' which included categories such as 'Best Scraps' which our shop had won the previous year and 'Beyond the Call of Duty'. He came to the last award of the evening and said that he had followed my journey and I'd beaten the big C, and presented me with a 'Remission Accomplished' award!<br />
I was given a standing ovation as I collected the award from the front, and honestly I haven't been that happy in such a long long time.<br />
So to Austen and anybody else who was there reading this now, thank you all so much for your kindness and support that evening. It's made such a huge difference and given me a confidence boost.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-91813182058006033552015-12-04T13:42:00.001-08:002015-12-04T13:42:51.325-08:00When did I think I had cancer??I'm going to take it back to the beginning when this all started, and ask myself a question; when did I think I had cancer?<br />
When I started to feel unwell I never thought I had cancer, that would be pessimistic. Even though I had lumps in my neck I could feel and see, I assumed it was infection. I can pinpoint the moment when I thought it was serious.<br />
I had an ultrasound scan to see the position and size of the masses. They showed up on the scan screen as massive black circles. One on my left, and another two on my right. That was the point. Right there. I got that feeling of panic rising from my stomach. The doctor then said he needed to go and 'think' about what to do next. I thought I would be having an FNA (five needle aspiration) which would suck out a few cells from the tumour. When I was told I would now be having a biopsy instead, I knew.<br />
Moral of the story? You know yourself, if you feel unwell for no obvious reason for an extended length of time, please seek medical advice. Although it was unlikely that my symptoms presented cancer, it still was.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-82060392504827827432015-11-07T12:56:00.003-08:002015-11-07T12:56:45.679-08:00Now what?My cancer has gone. It has been my life pretty much for the last 7 months. So now what?<br />
I still want to go to university, so I have plans to restart my A-levels in September. Going back to school for me means returning to normality.<br />
I put on a lot of weight because of the steroids combined with not moving or doing exercise because of the pain. I haven't made any changes to the sort of food that I eat but the weight is beginning to come off as I become more mobile. Fitting back into the clothes I wore before I was ill means returning to normality.<br />
I have a part-time job in my parents fish and chip restaurant, and I haven't worked since March, meaning I didn't work on the busiest day of the year which is Good Friday. Going back to work means returning to normality.<br />
There's one other thing. I don't want to be known as a 'cancer kid' or names of the like. I don't want anything that I accomplish in the future to be tarred with the brush that I was ill. I want any achievements I make to be taken on their own merit. I am no different than I was before.<br />
It's time to get my life back.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-50412304519982261062015-11-04T10:37:00.001-08:002015-11-04T10:37:42.485-08:00REMISSION ACCOMPLISHEDThe day I've been waiting for for a very long 7 months finally arrived yesterday, as my consultant confirmed that I am in remission. Tomorrow I am having my port-a-cath removed (at 7.30am!!) and I will be changed to 3 monthly appointments with my consultant at QMC. At some point after I turn 18 I will be transferred to the adult services at City Hospital.<br />
What I didn't know beforehand was the difference between remission and cure. Remission, which is sometimes known as NEC, means there is no evidence of the disease that is detectable using PET scans, X-rays, blood tests etc. You are not classed as cured until after 5 years, as this is the time you are statistically most likely to relapse, although my consultant said some people affected by Hodgkin Lymphoma especially relapse outside of this period, so it's about being aware without becoming a hypochondriac.<br />
I am just so relieved, and very very happy. Thank you all for all your kind words and support, it really means a lot, and thank you for reading my blog.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-5634995739385979092015-10-27T11:31:00.000-07:002015-10-27T11:31:29.105-07:00My Radiotherapy PlaylistIn the radiotherapy treatment suite I was able to bring my own music to listen to, and I was glad I could! It was calming in what was a pretty claustrophobic situation, not being able to move and having a plastic mask pressed so close to your face you can't open your eyes. Most of the songs listed below have a special meaning to me, whether that be because of the title, lyrics or the last time I listened to them. Listed are the name of the track, album and artist.<br />
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"Bad Blood" - Bad Blood - Bastille<br />
I have a type of blood cancer, so I thought the name was appropriate even though they don't literally sing about bad blood; really good song though.<br />
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"Bad Blood" - 1989 - Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar (song on album without ft.)<br />
Same reason as why I picked the track above really!<br />
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"Ink" - Ghost Stories - Coldplay<br />
This was alarm that woke me up on my first day of chemotherapy, so it reminds me of how far I'd come by the time I started radiotherapy.<br />
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"Holding On" - Holding On - Johnny Stimson<br />
Used in the Bupa advert for their 'Cancer Survivorship Program', the advert made me realise that I will have a life after I beat this, and shows a man getting his life back on track as pieces like the doing the school run and going back to work fall back into place.<br />
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"Fourth of July" - American Beauty/American Psycho - Fall Out Boy<br />
I used to listen to a lot of Fall Out Boy before I was diagnosed, so it reminds me of better times really! This is my favourite song off their most recent album.<br />
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"Hallelujah" - Death of a Bachelor (released Jan 2016) - Panic! At the Disco<br />
I downloaded this not long after I found out I wasn't having any more chemotherapy, so it's a real 'pick me up' sort of song.<br />
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"Wait" - Hurry Up, We're Dreaming - M83<br />
This is song used in the film 'The Fault in Our Stars' based on the novel of the same name by John Green. In a weird way, the novel and film make me feel better. The main character Hazel has terminal cancer, so it makes me appreciate my position more.<br />
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"Mercy" - Drones - Muse<br />
Being faced with your own mortality (when I was diagnosed my mind went to the worst case scenario) makes you feel merciless to some extent, so I related to the title.<br />
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"Therapy" - Nothing Personal - All Time Low<br />
I remember thinking how stupid the name chemotherapy was. I imagined anything that was a 'therapy' as relaxing and calming, not horrendously painful and ultimately traumatic. Then I heard this song, and the lyrics 'Therapy, you were never a friend to me' made me realise that if these 'therapies' weren't available I don't know what I'd do, so chemotherapy and radiotherapy are simultaneously my friends, and not my friends.<br />
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"Superheroes" - No Sound Without Silence - The Script<br />
I went through a phase where I just played this song on repeat - I just rediscovered my love for it!!<br />
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"Cancer" - The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance<br />
This song is sad, but I can feel the pain and heartache in the voice, and the lyrics remind me of much worse times. It doesn't make me feel sad, I just appreciate that it's better now. I have to keep looking forward really.<br />
<br />
"Good Life" - Waking Up - OneRepublic<br />
Despite the treatment causing me pain, making me tired etc. this song reminds me of how really I should be thankful to still be here, and I really am.<br />
<br />
"Fight Song" - Fight Song - Rachel Platten<br />
It has been a fight and struggle at times along the way, so I find strength from this song. I find it empowering.<br />
<br />
"Never Let Me Go" - Ceremonials - Florence + The Machine<br />
I've always really enjoyed listening to Florence + The Machine, but this is by far my favourite album. This song seems to be about surrendering, in this case to the ocean, but it made me realise that surrender in my case is the cowards way out. You can't let cancer become your life, your life just happens to feature cancer.<br />
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Music really is my escape, and I also really enjoy it. No matter your current situation, I can guarantee there is a song out there you can relate to, and it makes you feel less alone and more supported. It can bring up all different kinds of emotions, and to be able to overcome things, you need a way to feel and express them, even if that involves singing very, very badly into a hairbrush.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-69370219053636045402015-10-12T08:54:00.000-07:002015-10-12T08:54:27.852-07:00Dear Cancer,Dear Cancer,<br />
I've never liked you, and neither has anybody else. I never asked for you to come into my life, yet here you are. You've frightened me, my family and my friends, and have placed an element of uncertainty in the back of my mind for the rest of my life. I can never be complacent again.<br />
The last 6 months have been terrible, but you are more than welcome to them if it means I can have the rest of my life. You made me have to stop my studies (for now!) and gave me multiple trips to the hospital. You made me base my day around when to fit in the 40 tablets I needed to make me feel a little more human. Some of these tablets made me angry, depressed, and are believed to have contributed to my first seizure - but it's your fault not theirs. They are the good guys, you are not.<br />
You took my hair, my figure and my confidence, but you will not take my personality - I refuse to let you take away who I am. I am still me after all of this, and I am proud. Although it is not official that you have left me (yet) I feel like you have. I know there is a chance in the future that you might visit me again, but I will be up for the punch up again if needed.<br />
That doesn't mean you have the right to now go and bother someone else, but no doubt you will. I hope that soon a generation won't know what you are, but for now we will continue to will you away.<br />
From Just Another Person You Chose To AffectAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-48920988258795376022015-10-02T11:13:00.002-07:002015-10-02T11:14:03.104-07:00FINISHING RADIOTHERAPY... but what's next?I finished my 11th and final session of radiotherapy on the 29th September, and it felt amazing. Compared to chemo it was a walk in the park, despite the fact I encountered a few side effects; a sore patch on my back similar to sunburn, a sore chest, pain when breathing deeply and indigestion/heartburn. I was treated mainly at the Nottingham Radiotherapy Centre at City Hospital, although for 1 week I was moved to the main hospital building while machines were updated.<br />
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For the treatment I was clipped into the bed, which was plastic and very narrow, using this mask.<br />
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The mask was made using thermoplastic, which becomes bendy and malleable after being put in warm water. This was then placed over my face and shoulders, before being cooled with ice packs for 10 minutes, and I can definitely say it was cold alright!<br />
As the mask clips into the bed, it means that you can't move at all, which is its sole purpose.<br />
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The grey clips ensure the mask, and therefore you, are placed in the same position on the bed each time. The white sticker with the cross was the reference point for where the laser needed to cross to ensure precision placement of the machine, and therefore the x-ray. The machine was able to spin 360 degrees around me, meaning that the areas could be treated from the front and back.<br />
Because of where some of the tumours were, above my collarbone, I had a headrest placed behind my head that had a wedge underneath my neck to tilt my head backwards. It wasn't the most comfortable of positions, but for 10 minutes each day I could put up with it. I also had to wear a navy blue gown as it had velcro on the shoulders so they could be rolled down to fit the mask, and I'm wearing it in the pictures below. (You don't have to tell me by the way, I know it is the height of fashion?!)<br />
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Now it is a case of waiting until my next PET scan, which I have been told will be in around 2 months. This is because the treatment continues to work for some time, which is why the side effects don't subside immediately. After this point, assuming I'm clear (fingers crossed) I will then have to have another short operation to have my port-a-cath removed. Then that's it! Well pretty much - I will have to return to QMC/City on a regular basis for the next 5 years but for tests to check that I'm still in remission, but this seems like a small price to pay for the rest of my life :)<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-70961671972608856222015-09-27T11:01:00.002-07:002015-09-27T11:01:41.731-07:00How to: Become a PharmacistEasy! Just develop a serious condition that requires a range of medications to offset the side effects of the treatment you receive. In my case my Mum was the main 'pharmacist', and at the peak she was giving me 40 tablets a day.<br />
These have included: Lactulose (although this didn't really do anything), Movicol, Prednisolone, Domperidone, Granisetron, Norethisterone, Paracetamol, Gabapentin, Sevredol, Fentanyl patches and slow release Morphine. I've had a range of different chemo drugs too, that we had to learn the name of so that we knew how long we were going to be at QMC as they took different amounts of time on different days: Vincristine (bleugh!), Etoposide, Doxorubicin, Cyclophosamide and Dacarbazine.<br />
We were given a lot of different leaflets, but none prepared us for the amount of baffling names of drugs. Also, dealing with that many tablets under stress that a mistake could cause problems and under the initial shock of the diagnosis makes the job much harder. Help with that, such as organisation or writing out a plan etc., I think could reduce this stress.<br />
Now I'm coming off painkillers also means that the amount of certain tablets changes between morning, lunchtime and evening. Again, this must be done carefully and slowly to ensure no withdrawal symptoms, and this is a balancing act in itself - however there has been much more help with this.<br />
Despite the stressful situation, she did a great job. Thanks Mum :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-81825948778382080712015-09-26T03:58:00.002-07:002015-09-26T03:58:55.197-07:00"You're so brave!"A line which so many have said to me over the last 7 months. I'm brave for getting on with treatment. Am I?<br />
I understand that people say that to support you, let you know they are thinking of you and to make you feel better about the way you are dealing with the situation - but I don't feel brave. Firefighters, police, the armed forces and paramedics - they are brave, walking into situations they may not know anything about to help or protect people that they don't know, so in comparison I'm just not.<br />
At the end of the day, and this is the brutal truth, I faced 2 choices when I was diagnosed: have treatment or die. So I basically had one choice which meant sacrificing 6 - 9 months of my life in order to have the rest of it. That seemed like a pretty fair deal.<br />
I appreciate all of the support I've received from family and friends, and with 2 radiotherapy sessions left, that's probably why I feel like this, as hindsight (as usual) is a wonderful thing, and for me is like wearing rose tinted glasses as I know chemo was bad, but don't remember it being that bad now.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-11288788351643031142015-09-09T09:36:00.000-07:002015-09-09T09:36:03.010-07:00Using a wheelchairI am very lucky that I have only ever used a wheelchair once before in my life when my leg was in a cast, but the side effects of chemo meant that for a few weeks I needed to use a wheelchair when out and about as I couldn't walk far. I have had some interesting experiences whilst using it.<br />
My Mum pushed me the majority of the time, saving my arms, but we have hit things in shops that maybe don't consider the width of a wheelchair quite enough. Lifts are usually available in shopping centres etc. but they don't think about making them large enough to turn the wheelchair around whilst in there so it can be pushed out forward rather than being struggled out backwards and perhaps into the path of other people.<br />
Dropped kerbs sometimes weren't quite dropped enough either, meaning we had to reverse over some so that the larger wheels could negotiate it. Once we parked in a car park that when we tried to cross the road from it, we realised the kerb wasn't dropped opposite it, and rather that it was dropped 150m further down the road. This meant I had to be pushed down the middle of the road, with my Mum running as fast as she could behind me: not exactly ideal.<br />
As much as I'm sure disabled access has improved over the years, from my short experience I've spotted several things that just haven't been thought through properly.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-44930858453852138552015-08-31T13:51:00.001-07:002015-08-31T13:51:26.444-07:00"You're just adding to the grey!"The what feels like a saga regarding my scan results continues. I had a PET scan several weeks ago which determines whether I have responded well enough to the treatment to have no more or whether I need more; which could be radiotherapy or high dose chemotherapy or, if it got to this stage, transplants. My scan came back and my consultant said that because he was following the German protocol for my treatment that he would send it to them for a second opinion as it could not be decided whether the nodes in my chest were normal or still cancerous. I went back to the hospital on Thursday and was told that the specialists weren't 100% happy with what the German team had recommended for me, which was radiotherapy, and that my scan had now been sent to UCLH in London for a third opinion. It was explained to me that my results were pushing the limits of what the scan can detect and was much like very high pitched music - some people can hear it and some people can't, meaning some specialists were saying it was still cancerous and some were saying it was normal.<br />
Later that afternoon I visited who could be my radiotherapist who explained to me the risks of having radiotherapy and side effects. He explained how much I'm in the grey area and that if I was an adult in the same situation that I would automatically be having radiotherapy and that Hodgkin lymphoma in a 17 year old is not really any different to a 23 year old. I pointed out that I'm 18 in 7 months, and he simply replied, "You're just adding to the grey!"<br />
I would rather have the radiotherapy than not. That might seem odd, but in my head not only does the risk that the cancer hasn't gone outweighs the risks of having the treatment, but I would much rather be over treated than under treated. It would put my mind at rest, that I had finished the job, to have it. I'm getting more sure each day that the radiotherapy will be happening the more I think about it.<br />
It gives me a lot of comfort to know that my case is being considered to such a depth. People criticise the NHS, and I'm not saying that it doesn't make mistakes, but I am immensely impressed with what is a free service. I have been treated incredibly well.<br />
But nothing is ever straight forward with me! Hopefully I will get the final decision soon.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-10713792099837506522015-08-22T06:23:00.000-07:002015-08-22T06:23:08.594-07:00A Day in the Life of a Chemo PatientAfter having this blog for a while now, I realised that I've never shown or explained how and when I receive my treatment - I'm used to it so that it's normal, and I only seem to remember it's not if my friends ask me questions. So, last week I thought that I would take some pictures and show how the process works. The pictures aren't gorey in anyway (I can't cope with it myself still!) but I apologise if any of them offend you.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYrxT_rMuUn8D_SLL5QwvGg5B89qeddmGY7W75orOUjsg7AdjGrfJp_slJXWICcwLRn8d_t26g9zZDzIDdMyAKvwULYublbaOfNnEa6LOISfq9VT9LCz6-SzWnskU00kw1xOwEGCI_cSZm/s1600/IMG_2571.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYrxT_rMuUn8D_SLL5QwvGg5B89qeddmGY7W75orOUjsg7AdjGrfJp_slJXWICcwLRn8d_t26g9zZDzIDdMyAKvwULYublbaOfNnEa6LOISfq9VT9LCz6-SzWnskU00kw1xOwEGCI_cSZm/s320/IMG_2571.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
This is the needle that's used to administer the chemotherapy. Before I started treatment I had an operation to have a single lumen port-a-cath installed around my ribcage. A tube then joins a vein in my neck to give the treatment. This means that I don't have to have drips inserted into my hands for each treatment, which at one point would have meant having that done 5 times a week. The red line is the small scar from the original operation, and I have cooling spray put on my skin so I don't feel any pain or discomfort from the needle, which can be left in for up to a week. The needle keeps itself in place naturally when correctly inserted, but tagaderm stickers are placed over the top to keep it sterile.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSlY8rWMJbF45OCQGiqQ9n250LdSP99e4a_O6s5JYdv44jHBETAWqfsawcO6oGwWLtVgP6amw7WTMFtMUktgOwqGUZzMd9VmED7rA4x-ym7055ax_eMBe560gsCgk5xdxRqFQ-WabiV3cw/s1600/IMG_2566.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSlY8rWMJbF45OCQGiqQ9n250LdSP99e4a_O6s5JYdv44jHBETAWqfsawcO6oGwWLtVgP6amw7WTMFtMUktgOwqGUZzMd9VmED7rA4x-ym7055ax_eMBe560gsCgk5xdxRqFQ-WabiV3cw/s320/IMG_2566.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
A Carefusion drip is used to infuse the treatment. Pressure is used to push the liquid from the bag into my bloodstream and is completely painless. Some drugs are administered by syringe straight into the tube attached to my needle, one of these that I have is called Vincristine. The chemotherapy that is administered using this machine is protected from sunlight with a brown bag as it reacts with the light. This picture shows a flush of saline which has to be used between each drug to make sure I receive the full dose.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEdcdqlSggQMQAgAQuRcf-dQSmGceotS4wrNYS37tB3m_8uz3QkUnXQkNXzkw89mvTYn-zfBJEApv-9ZIlVc6Lp6JMLPXBS_lyiJSBvZWCgdeGdPAK8YnaG3cn2YQFZDq9Q8UZEbhgL-Jv/s1600/IMG_2567.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEdcdqlSggQMQAgAQuRcf-dQSmGceotS4wrNYS37tB3m_8uz3QkUnXQkNXzkw89mvTYn-zfBJEApv-9ZIlVc6Lp6JMLPXBS_lyiJSBvZWCgdeGdPAK8YnaG3cn2YQFZDq9Q8UZEbhgL-Jv/s320/IMG_2567.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
The machine is set by the nurses to run each drug at a different rate to get optimal results from each. This means that two nurses must check the drug, my name, date of birth and rate of infusion before starting treatment. The machines can be pretty annoying though, I had one machine that stopped because I coughed, and another that used to stop because I sneezed! I get there has to be safety features but I think that's a bit much.<br />
I am unsure what the next step is for my treatment, and I will not know until next week so I am just focussing on finishing these steroids which make me hungry, angry and a bit like a dragon.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-45592972915242736762015-07-24T10:58:00.001-07:002015-07-26T11:35:55.701-07:00Where I've been?! + Race For Life and being featured in the paper!It's been a while! I had 4 weeks off chemotherapy in which I tried to do as much as I could before starting again, so I spent a lot of time with family. Now I'm back on chemo and have nearly finished my 3rd cycle and have had a pretty bad week, hence silence until now - but much has happened!<br />
A team of eight of us including my mum, sister and cousin did the 5k Race for Life in aid of Cancer Research UK at the Lincolnshire Showground. They definitely had the hard job as I was in my wheelchair so they managed to shove me round just about! We still have some donations coming in but we have raised over £2000 which was so much more than I ever expected and I am so glad we have been able to make such a huge difference to a charity whose research could eradicate all cancer in the future. Our JustGiving page is still open, and if you could donate anything at all then that would be amazing. <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/teams/natashas-gang">https://www.justgiving.com/teams/natashas-gang</a><br />
I have also been featured on page 56 of this weeks Lincolnshire Echo with my parents, which discusses my story and also warning signs and symptoms of the cancer I have. Finding cancer early makes it more treatable, so I am glad that it plays such a large part in the article. As many people now survive cancer as die from it across the board, but more awareness and finding it early will improve those odds.<br />
I update the Facebook page for this blog a little more often with smaller stories and things I find, so feel free to give it a like too -<br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/Remission-to-be-accomplished/831493046943591?ref=aymt_homepage_panel">https://www.facebook.com/pages/Remission-to-be-accomplished/831493046943591?ref=aymt_homepage_panel</a><br />
Hopefully it won't be as long before the next blogpost, so see you then - Tash :)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8859269151603552586.post-75190560536294801882015-06-21T08:39:00.001-07:002015-06-21T08:39:08.173-07:00My First Blood TransfusionWhen I'm not regularly visiting QMC for chemotherapy, I have a community nurse that visits me at home to take a blood sample to be tested for a range of different things. This day I was feeling ill like I would before I was diagnosed and had a headache, and sure enough the sample showed I had a low red blood cell count and that I needed a blood transfusion. This was on Friday the 12th and it was organised that I would be going to Lincoln County (my local hospital) early on Saturday to have a sample taken to be matched with the correct blood type.<br />
This was then sent to Sheffield to be matched, and then the blood was sent back to Lincoln to be transfused. I've always wanted to know what blood type I am, O+ as it turns out, so for me that was a bonus. I had to have 2 and a half units transfused that was calculated by my weight and blood count, which took around 7 and a half hours meaning it finished at 1.30am. Although I was tired, I could feel the benefit as the headache I had started to go after the first unit.<br />
My consultant made it clear from the start that it was almost certain I would need a transfusion, and probably more than one, but the nurses made it as pleasant as possible for me, so I'm not worried if I need another. Plus I did get a McDonald's out of it at 9pm- bonus!<br />
The only thing that annoys me is that I can't thank the people who donated the blood that I had transfused. They don't know how much of an impact they had on me. I imagine it's the same for someone who had a transplant, although that is much more extreme. It really made me feel less lethargic and more like myself, which is something I have been missing so much, and something that I had forgotten what it felt like. What I don't think people know is how much blood is given to people who haven't lost a lot of blood, I certainly didn't, so it was definitely a learning curve for me.<br />
Giving blood can have a massive impact on so many people and their families, so if you can give blood, please do consider it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18053911821366405944noreply@blogger.com1